EXPOSED:VITAL ISSUES MANY COUPLES IGNORE CAUSING DEAD MARRIAGE
This article is written to open your eyes to possible causes of death of marriages in case you are already seeing them in your own marriage and to know what to do to revive your marriage , or to help someone you know that such things are happening in his or her marriage, or to even equip you against such things from happening in your marriage.
WHAT IS A DEAD MARRIAGE?
Dead marriage can be defined as when partners who are in a marriage relationship find it difficult or no longer appreciate, celebrate, enjoy , extol the presence of the other partner in his or her life. They now prefer not to be together as husband and wife ,though they may be living under the same roof but the joy of marriage has long departed from their life. Whenever the thought of the other partner comes up in their heart, it usually causes pain ,I am afraid to let you know that what you claim as a marriage is just existing on paper it's no longer a marriage in the sense of it,it's already dead.If what have said above are your experience, you will need an urgent intervention to safe your marriage separation and divorce.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF A DEAD MARRIAGE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT
WRONG FOUNDATION
Every marriage is like a building that must have a foundation, not just any how foundation but a very solid foundation ,this will actually determine if the building will stand the test of time or not,so also marriage is much very like that.If what you do to begin your marriage relationship is faulty there is no how your marriage will last.
Examples of how to begin marriage relationship with faulty foundation are
* Marrying out of pity - Going into marriage because of pity for the person probably because of one reason or the other thinking you are doing the person a favor,it's very wrong and it will have serious implications later on.
* Marrying out of Lust not Love - Many marriages that come to be as a result of Lust not love end up in death and divorce, you must learn how to control your Lust ,don't mistake your Lust for love whereby you start thinking of marriage, most of the times such marriages don't work. Don't fall a victim of dead marriage
* Marrying because of gain - Example of this can be seen in the marriages of celebrities, you will discover that most times people who marry the celebrities do that because of what to gain and at end their marriage end up in dead end.If you are yet to marry ,don't marry for gain ,marry because of love ,what you want to gain may not be there after some years of marriage, since that was what brought you into that marriage, if it's gone you will easily become fed up
* To marry outside God's counsel and will for your life (if you don't understand this statement,click HERE to find how the first step to take how to arrive at finding out God's counsel concerning your life and marriage and use the email to contact us)
INABILITY TO ACCEPT THE REALITIES IN MARRIAGE
Friends ,courtship is completely different from marriage and it cannot be compared with it. What you think you know about your partner during courtship is completely nothing compare to what you don't know. The earlier you know this if you are married or you about getting married ,the better for you so that you will not end up in disappointment. The discovery of your spouse is a lifetime issue that you may not completely unravelled till death comes. My advice to you is to prepare your mind to accept these realities as they come and find away to accommodate those you can accommodate and sort out amicably those that may be difficult to accommodate in terms of characters and behaviour with prayers and go for counselling if need be.
Apart from characters and behaviour, there are some situations that will arrive that you never planned for ,you must settle it in your mind that you will give whatever it will take to handle them without affecting your marriage.If it requires going for counselling or anything to face those realities and challenges of marriage, you can do that to safe your marriage.
ABSENCE OF THE ESSENTIALS OF MARRIAGE
There are certain essentials of marriage that must be present in every marriage for it to work,if they are not there,such marriages are the ones that tend to head towards a dead marriage.
Some of these essentials are:
* Communication : Every couple must engage in deep communication and nothing whatsoever should break their communication no matter what. Even if one partner is not around, distance should not be a barrier, thank God for technology, there is a lot of medium for communication that you can use to communicate in case of distance.Ensure you communicate everything about you to your spouse, nothing must be hidden, what you don't communicate today may become an issue that you may not be able to handle tomorrow.
Some things that can break your communication without you knowing include addiction to your phone and computer,learn how to break away from them time to time and communicate with your spouse.Becareful of being too busy with your work ,business ,ministry not to neglect your communication with your spouse. Lack of it is major cause of dead marriage.
* Love and Romance : Once love and romance are gone out of a marriage, the marriage is as good as dead,the couple should seek emergency intervention to restore love and romance back to the marriage.Do all you can to keep the first love that both of you exhibited when you first met.Don't stop doing all that you used to do when you were courting that made your love to be at its peak in those days , you can as well do more than that and also look for more ways to keep your love at its best. Read more about love ,romance and relationship and get better ways of doing things that will get you the desired results in your marriage.
* Sex : God is the author of Sex and it has been put there by God for us to actually enjoy it.It is for our enjoyment and on no account should one partner deny the other.You must know that you don't have control over your body anymore. With my years of marriage, I discovered that Sex is a binding force between the couple,the more you give yourself to it ,the more you get bonded together and the lesser you give yourself to it ,the lesser your get bonded.
Many marriages are dead today because of the issue of Sex that was not properly handled ,when one partner is not sexually fulfilled this will lead to unnecessary quarrel ,fight and at the end divorce. Couples please you must do something to get your sexual life going and fulfilling .If there are issues that are making it difficult for one partner to make Sex fulfilling in the marriage such as health challenge , work etc, find solution to those challenges and discuss them with your spouse and together you tackle them.
* Unforgiveness -To err is human ,we all make mistakes and therefore you should know that it may be your turn tomorrow, if you refuse to forgive your partner today,when it's your turn to receive such forgiveness from your partner,be sure it will never come because you never forgive your partner when your partner needed it.
Unforgiveness is not healthy for any relationship, it makes the partners to find faults and mistakes of each other,it doesn't give room for fun in the marriage because of misinterpretation of every move the partners take.This also has spiritual implications, if you don't forgive, your prayers will not be answered and God will not forgive
LACK OF TRANSPARENCY
Any marriage relationship that is devoid of transparency is heading towards dead end,you must be naked and not ashamed on any matter ,tell your spouse about everything you were ,you are and what you are planning to be.Your fears ,mistakes, achievements everything. Nothing should be a secret to your spouse, telling your spouse everything about you brings about trust and when you are being trusted by your spouse you have actually won the heart of your partner. Trust is one of the strengths of every relationship,when trust is no longer in a relationship, you can be sure that an end is gradually coming to such relationship,earn the trust of your partner through transparency and openness.
EXPECTATIONS AND COMPARISONS.
You are Killing your marriage by placing so much expectation on your spouse and comparing your spouse with other people, know that everyone has his or her strenght and weakness ,that which is a strenght of one is a weakness of another .Learn how to appreciate the strenght of your spouse ,pay little or no attention to the weakness especially if nothing can be done about the weakness.Too much attention on the weakness can lead to frustration for both of you,the partner may start thinking is no longer accepted in the relationship and ready to go where he or she feels accepted, this is dangerous stop such act and accept whatever that is in your spouse, nobody is perfect even you.
In addition, don't expect too much from your spouse,be contented or satisfied with what he or she offers especially when you know your partner is doing his or her best to satisfy you.If there is way you can help your spouse to be better ,go ahead and help,let not your spouse be overburdened by your expectations, it can also be frustrating and this not good for your relationship.
WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR PRIORITY
You must know this today that nothing comes first in your life after God than your spouse and you must show it to him or her.In your actions ,it must be obvious that your spouse is the first to consider before any other thing,not your children because some partner especially women, turn their children to be the first priority after given birth and the man who was there before the arrival of the children becomes secondary, this is very wrong ,whosoever does this is playing with fire,it will have serious implication on the marriage when your spouse is no longer your priority.
Other things that can actually take the place of your spouse as being the first priority include work, ministry,hobby etc.Looking into your life and see those things that have taken the priority in your life and make amend today for the good of your marriage.
AVOID BLAME
Don't enjoy blaming your spouse for every error or mistakes done,whatever happens in the course of your relationship, never be in haste to apportion blame .
ABSENCE OF GOD FACTOR
Finally, no marriage will work if God is absent in it.You must allow God to be in charge of your marriage, he is the only one that has the key to everyone's marriage and he is ready to open the door of love ,joy and unity to the family. You can not go to God to keep your marriage from separation and divorce without first having a relationship with God ,He will only hear those who have had encounter with Him,you can start your relationship with God now by clicking HERE
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