AMAZING WAYS TO LIVE SAFELY AND AVOID QUARREL WITH YOUR IN LAWS
Among all of these in laws (father ,mother,sister or brother in law) any of them may be the thorn in the flesh of your family ,but the most common among these people who is always the hardest or troublesome among them all is the mother in law.In african setting ,this is very common to have a very stubborn and very hard to please mother in law,because of this ,we have heard ladies saying if their mother is dead before they get married, it's good for them,they are saying this because of bad experience ladies have had with their mother in law and thereby putting fear in their heart and wishing if they can have a dead mother in law is preferable for them.
Therefore, since having in laws is what we can not avoid as long we have decided to marry,it's so certain you cannot choose your in laws though you can choose your spouse and we can not tell who the in laws will be.Most times,we get to know who our in laws truly are after wedding ceremony ,whatsoever we beginning to see in our in-laws as regards attitude and character cannot easily be changed unlike that of our spouse, for our in laws you have got to live with whatever you see in them but you can actually do certain things to still get the best out of our in laws irrespective of how difficult they are.
THESE ARE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO GET THE BEST FROM YOUR IN-LAWS
UNDERSTANDING THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR SPOUSE WITH HIS OR HER FAMILY
One of the mistakes most partner make is not having the full understanding of the relationship that existed between their spouse and their family members before they got into their partners life.There are some family that they are so closed together that if they don't see each order or hear from one another in a day ,they will become restless.Know that there are different types of relationships that do exist between our partner and their family members before we marry them ,if we don't find out or observe those relationship to understand them we may misinterprete those relationships or trying to stop them in away that we may end up causing problem in our marriage .Understanding those relationships helps not to misinterprete them and also help us to flow along with our spouse family members without problems
UNDERSTANDING THAT YOUR OWN FAMILY IS A DIFFERENT FAMILY FROM YOUR SPOUSE FAMILY
Many times spouse makes mistakes in assuming that the family of their spouse should also relate with them as a couple the way his or her family is relating with them ,this assumption will cause a lot of problems in the marriage,such spouse has forgotten that his or her own family is a complete different family from his or her spouse family, different in orientations, characters and attitudes and background.On no occasion should you expect the same attitude you see in your own family towards your marriage from your spouse family, having this at the back of your marriage will actually help you to prepare for whatsoever attitude you may encounter from your in laws
HAVE SOME KNOWLEDGE ABOUT YOUR IN LAWS
How much knowledge you have about your in laws will determine how you relate with them.Get to know what your in laws like and dislike ,their attitude and characters ,their orientations, fears etc.in which any of these can have negative implications on your home ,your knowledge of all these things about them will help you to act accordingly not at the detriment of your marriage but to please your in laws
You can get to know them by studying them or ask your spouse about his or her family.You can ask your spouse about what are the things that make his mother happy if you do it for them?After you have found out ,then you can go ahead and do them to satisfy your in law but not at the detriment of your marriage.
DON'T GET ANGRY UNNECESSARILY
Many at times the attitude , characters and ways of doing things and the involvement of in laws in marriage can be annoying, you may have the reasons why you should be angry with your in laws,yes you can be right.I have this advice for you,learn how to swallow your anger when you are in the presence of your in laws no matter what the situation may be , especially when you feel they have acted wrongly and you think they should see your anger.Wisdom demands you control your anger and wait till when they are gone,if you will need to correct them for that action taken ,don't do that immediately, you may be misunderstood, allow that moment to pass and look for avenue when the atmosphere is relaxed and they can hear you well and it will produce a change.Or if you think your spouse can be able to handle it well because he or she understands his or her people very and knows how to address them and get better result ,then talk to your spouse to do the talking,never be angry with your in laws in their presence, you may regret that action especially if they are the parent of your spouse.
KNOW WHEN TO KEEP QUIET
It's wisdom to know when to keep quiet as spouse in the midst of your in law,it's not every time you just have to involve yourself in the discussion with your in laws ,be very sensitive to know when to join them and when to stay away.Words are powerful and when it's spoken it can not be retrieved again,what you say carelessly today may be used against you tomorrow, be careful. It's a honour to you when your in laws call you into their discussion for your contribution or opinion, don't be too forward to contribute to what they are saying because you may even be insulted.Sometimes you may need to excuse them on your own without asking you to do so,this will make them to respect you the more.
KNOW WHEN TO BE FLEXIBLE AND WHEN YOU OUGHT NOT
Flexibility brings about harmony and peace with your in laws,don't be too rigid over every matter all the times especially issues that ordinarily if you are flexible about them , it will still not affect your home.When you sound and act rigid over every matter that you can bend no matter what ,you become a difficult person in the sight of your in law and they may tag you as wicked spouse,try and give room for flexibility.Matters about your marriage that can affect your home if you shift ground, you take your stand on those matters and those that have little or no effect on your marriage, you can be a little flexible on them.
SET BOUNDARIES
It's very important that you set some boundaries concerning your marriage that can not be crossed by both in laws ,they are to protect you and your spouse.There are some in laws that if you don't set boundaries to keep them away from certain area of your marriage, before you know what's happening they will cause problems for your spouse and in your marriage. It's very important to set those boundaries and make it known to the in laws,it should be for both in laws,unlike the above mentioned,in this regard ,you can not be flexible about those boundaries no matter the situation, let the two in laws know that you are serious about it and no in law should be considered above the other.
COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS
When you are going through certain unpalatable situation from your in laws ,don't keep quiet, find away to communicate with your spouse ,don't go and confront your in laws and tell them that you aren't happy with what they are doing to you.Your spouse which is their own son or daughter stands the best position to let his or her family know what you are going through and together you can rehearse the best approach that will be best in communicating the situation to them in order to avoid misunderstanding.Don't bottle your feelings for too long before telling your spouse, you may come to a point that you are overwhelmed with the situation and before you know it ,you just react negatively to your in laws ,this will not speak well of you and will cause problem for your.Learn to communicate on time.
BE MATURE IN HANDLING ISSUES
One thing you must bear in mind when you are getting married is that offences and issues will come ,it may be big or small issues ,no matter the degree of the offence or misunderstanding, the way you handle it is very important. Some issues may be so small but if they are not handled maturely, it will degenerate to bigger issues, while some bigger issues can be well managed and it will die easily. Hence ,ensure you handle the issues between you and your in laws maturely any time you have misunderstanding.
BE GENEROUS
Generosity is what you can easily use to win the heart of your in laws and if you are so stingy, be ready for unnecessary quarrel from your spouse.To minimise or completely avoid quarrel from your in laws ,learn how to be generous towards them ,if you are a woman and your spouse is not generous to his people,please to save yourself from fight from your in laws ,take up that aspect of generosity and do it for your in laws because if no body in the family is given to the in laws, most of the times its the woman that is always being blamed.
BE HUMOROUS
Being humorous gives room for in laws and people to come around your home ,don't be the type of spouse that is always with hard face,they can never see a smile in your face,they don't know when you are happy or not ,all the times your face is always hard.This is very bad ,your in laws will think you don't want them to come to your house and they will not be happy with you. Let your face welcome your in laws and let them feel at home whenever they come visiting, doing this will keep quarrel from your in laws away.
Thanks for reading,hope you have learnt from this article ,ensure you implement what you have read and you will get the best out of your in laws.
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